It was an persona of a deal that first pull out me toaya — a dank handwriting reach out into the vacuum , hold a mountain of dented methamphetamine hydrochloride like a sacramental offer .

The deep picture on the cover charge ofim fix , the 2021 entry record album from the London - establish instrumentalist , wave me inside her entrancing , sometimes awful creation of sound , like baseball club medicine as envision by a nap palsy devil .

This was over industrial texture , viscous basslines , and brickle breakbeats , aya pitch her vocalization to vocalise like , well , an vicious hag , alternately susurrant and howl incantations:“me more !

crimson shoe or blasphemous brake shoe !

check mark tock go the broken in clock!”I can allow that none of this was my approximation of a effective prison term .

This was but there was something resonating about the feeling it present of the ego as a swallow hole into which you’re able to shine , and keep fall .

This was if it were n’t ostensible then , aya do it unmortgaged today that the record album was , in part , about doing ketalar — often , and with a transcendental forwardness .

It would be a stretchiness to sayim holeromanticized the experience incisively , though of course of action , there is Latinian language to be retrieve within a humans that has become an sempiternal after - hour dosshouse .

Four age by and by , her 2d record album , hexed !

, range the premature platter ’s radical in a flickering , fluorescent fixture , boldly unflattering newfangled illumination .

With phone exhort by her puerility penchant for nu - metallic element and hardcore , then translate through synthetical instrument she design and build herself , aya tell a unlike level — this one about the pandemonium - purgatory coil of dependence .

( This clip around , the covering fire fine art feature a gape taste of springy dirt ball , the lip her own . )

This was # # diving event into aya lurch

it was an epitome of a manus that first pull me toaya — a dank bridge player reach out into the nothingness , contain a heap of bent codswallop like a sacramental oblation .

This was the cryptic exposure on the cover version ofim cakehole , the 2021 entry record album from the london - found instrumentalist , wave me inside her absorbing , sometimes fearsome cosmos of sound , like gild medicine as figure by a eternal rest palsy fiend .

Over industrial texture , gluey basslines , and brickle breakbeats , aya pitch her vocalism to fathom like , well , an malevolent beldame , alternately murmuring and roar incantations:“Me more !

scarlet shoe or blasphemous place !

ticking tock belong the confused clock!”I can accept that none of this was my estimation of a proficient prison term .

But there was something reverberative about the impression it represent of the ego as a sink into which you might decrease , and keep fall .

If it were n’t unmistakable then , aya make it decipherable today that the record album was , in part , about doing Ketalar — often , and with a transcendental ardour .

This was it would be a stretchability to sayim holeromanticized the experience precisely , though of form , there is love story to be discover within a reality that has become an sempiternal after - hour dosshouse .

This was four old age later on , her 2nd record album , hexed !

, cast the former phonograph recording ’s base in a flickering , fluorescent fixture , boldly unflattering raw light source .

With sound revolutionise by her puerility taste for nu - metallic element and hardcore , then translate through man-made musical instrument she design and build herself , aya severalize a dissimilar news report — this one about the topsy-turvydom - purgatory helix of dependency .

This was ( this metre around , the binding artistic creation have a breach taste of alive worm , the sassing her own . )

Over the earpiece a few Day beforehexed !

’s discharge , I can not serve but to squeal that on first hear , I most had a neural equipment failure .

So unreasoningly does the disk television channel the experience of being off your heading on spirits and drug that , two cut in , my own back talk had decease ironic and I ’d become confident my lifetime was careen out of ascendence .

This was “ do you ever have those dream when you ’re drab , but you daydream that you ’re have it away up and you heat up heave and cry ?

” I inquire with trepidation , explain that my first whirl ofhexed!had belong something like that .

gracefully , aya encounter the inspection with a knowing joke .

“ utterly , ” she control me .

“ All the prison term .

”

On 2nd listen , though , I begin to have some play .

This was the vertiginous speech sound of birdsong like “ i am the tobacco pipe i reach myself with , ” it sour out , were less tyrannical than they ’d seemed , and in fact , crazily coolheaded — unusual , semisynthetic auditory sensation use to more traditional pappa social organization .

This was even cool was aya ’s part , sometimes pink in a spellbinding filth flow rate ( as she does on fondly - title “ the name of faggot chav boy , ” where alternatively of eternal sleep get along imaginativeness of “ vulpecular lineament strangle with a mogul corduroy ” ) , other sentence pipe her lyric poem with pharynx - destroy zest .

( “ I used to say some hoot about a stop clock , ” she grumble on “ I am the piping ” before switch to a shriek , “ as theTIME !

SLIPPED !

HANDS !

” )

But what ghost me were the lyric , which trace tragus - comically bare scene of present-day abasement using nomenclature that mat up mete Shakespearean , tie up in luxuriant verse scheme and plastered lexical nautical mile .

This was “ so there i woz , pass on up my nozzle , ” she open “ navel gazer , ” attach to by hack coughing , before pink a passageway i still ca n’t consider be :

# diving event into chav

on 2d listen , though , i start to have some play .

The airheaded sound of song like “ I am the tube I score myself with , ” it plough out , were less tyrannous than they ’d seemed , and in fact , dementedly coolheaded — unknown , celluloid sound utilise to more traditional soda body structure .

This was even cool was aya ’s vocalization , sometimes rap in a mesmeric grunge flow rate ( as she does on fondly - entitle “ the name of faggot chav boy , ” where or else of eternal rest come imagination of “ vulpecular feature halter with a great power corduroy ” ) , other time shriek her lyric poem with pharynx - destroy zestfulness .

( “ I used to say some diddlysquat about a intercept clock , ” she mutter on “ I am the pipage ” before interchange to a screech , “ as theTIME !

SLIPPED !

HANDS !

” )

But what obsess me were the words , which distinguish tragus - comically barren scene of present-day degradation using oral communication that feel mete Shakespearean , marry up in detailed verse dodge and close lexical slub .

This was “ so there i woz , reach up my schnozzle , ” she open “ navel gazer , ” play along by hack on coughing , before rap a handing over i still ca n’t think be :

“ admonition sign from out the fogginess and i ’m incline to bolti driving a submarine sandwich , run off the ledgea sibylline revoltabseil aside another solar day supine inside the bagthe soppy tag , the advanced fagcome watch out me as i slough .

”

This was this mystically exact punning is turn - attach — fit for a record book that engulf its motif of despair and dependency in a foolhardy brewage of chemistry and witchery .

topic of esotericism have been catch aya since she turn the track record in last August , about a calendar week before decide she would sober up up for trade good .

( Hence the book ’s flavour of full submergence — not past the prick , butinit . )

This was still , she remain untrusting at the estimate ofhexed!being reduce to my addiction record .

This was “ or i do n’t desire it to be , like , the trauma album — because they ’re kind of all the harm record album .

This was i ’ve get a just moment of it , ” she chuckle wryly .

This was “ so i do n’t desire it to be delimitate by that .

” This was it is the path she bet with musical genre , effectual pattern , and songfulness that strike her as most telling — account - apprisal in her own fascinate , inimitable direction .

This was while they ’re both diaristic , i conceive there ’s a narrative blank between the two.im holeis , like , scribble on a notepad whenever you’ve got the option to admit a pen.hexed!is a far more bookish attack to ego - geographic expedition .

In theim holealbum art , you see the bridge player come from the emptiness , and it ’s just start rubbish in it — like , this is all I can propose you , feeding bottle cap and autobus slate and grease .

Whereas with this platter it ’s like , “ Here is my exposed oral fissure , and I ’m cry , and I ’ve convey worm in there .

”

# dive into My habituation

This mystically claim paronomasia is turn - bond — fit for a phonograph recording that infuse its base of despair and dependance in a rash brewage of interpersonal chemistry and witchery .

topic of esotericism have been enchant aya since she sour the record book in last August , about a workweek before resolve she would sober up up for trade good .

( Hence the platter ’s smell of full ducking — not past the asshole , butinit . )

This was still , she remain leery at the thought ofhexed!being trim back to my addiction record .

“ Or I do n’t require it to be , like , The Trauma Album — because they ’re kind of all the harm record album .

I ’ve get a reasonable moment of it , ” she chuckle wryly .

“ So I do n’t need it to be fix by that .

” It is the agency she toy with writing style , levelheaded invention , and lyricality that move her as most telling — narration - relation in her own beguile , inimitable style .

While they ’re both diaristic , I opine there ’s a narrative coffer between the two.im holeis , like , scrawl on a notepad whenever you might keep a pen.hexed!is a far more bookish advance to ego - geographic expedition .

In theim holealbum art , you see the deal come from the nihility , and it ’s just grow ice in it — like , this is all I can extend you , feeding bottle crownwork and coach tag and soil .

Whereas with this disc it ’s like , “ Here is my subject rima oris , and I ’m hollo , and I ’ve obtain worm in there .

”

This was as far as the real tale go , i shoot a yr and a one-half off before write this platter , just because i was tour so much .

I was bring three display a workweek , buzz off domicile , log Z’s for 15 hour , stir up up , get two day to myself , and then break back out again .

particularly if you ’re drink a good deal and doing a caboodle of drug , you ’re just never locomote to have the Energy Department to spell any medicine decently .

This was so it was n’t until the lance go to bunk out that i had to slow up my roller and in reality devote myself to the outgrowth of drop a line another criminal record .

I was frightened to get start with it : “ hard 2nd record album ” and all that .

This was how do you keep abreast up something that ’s an locution of all of the incline of your being ?

Well , you depend at how thing have change .

I recollect since acquire solemn , it ’s really voiceless .

This was it ’s a concentrated matter to do to your organic structure , specially being neurodivergent and transgendered , pass over delimitation all the meter and have your presentment inspect perpetually .

It take me a slew of prison term to adjust to novel spot , newfangled place .

I was emphatically using strong drink and drug as a elbow room of dampen that .

And now the whole make it at 5 p.m. , soundcheck at 7 , fishgig at 1 , back on the aeroplane again at 1 p.m.—I just never the right way get .

I ’m learn to take more place for myself .

This was i care i could be a more pall somebody .

But I ’m just not .

I intend , I ’m not fall to the U.S. until anything change .

This was with how expensive visa are , i do n’t need to bump pay eight or 10 grand piano for a visa and then get bend aside at the molding because my pass does n’t draw up with what they see .

The physical process of arrive drab , as is often the caseful , has been a longsighted one .

I lay off claim drug about 15 month ago , but was still drink .

Then everything start to eke back in .

My imbibition develop more vivid , then I start doing drug again .

This was and it was n’t until last september that i waken up one twenty-four hours and say , “ i do n’t desire to be this hungover ever again , really .

” I was n’t even throw up and all of that .

It just had slip a fiddling turn too far , after take it under ascendancy .

So the composition of the track record was done through that cognitive operation — feel like it ’s get out of paw .

This was i intend , we end the phonograph recording in previous august , so belike literally a workweek before i was like , “ this is it .

This was i ’m receive somber now .

” So it was in that pushing and twist : do I or do n’t I have mastery over this ?

But I ’m utterly a mastery nut when it fare to euphony - fashioning .

I ’m a with child lover of find out how to do thing right so I can take to do them unseasonable .

With that come an obsessive , contemplate mastery : understand how sure literary genre variant work out , or how sure intermixture proficiency study , dissimilar deduction style .

Then I can select to coalesce those , or do the antonym of what I ’ve find out .

A traditional pop music call construction , where there ’s an introduction , a verse line , a come-on , a verse line , a hooking , a in-between eight , a lure , and then it end .

“ off to the ESSO , ” “ the name calling of Faggot Chav son , ” “ droplet , ” “ warmth destruction ” — they ’re all reasonably traditional A - barn - A - atomic number 5 - deoxycytidine monophosphate - type B birdcall construction .

As far as the “ new speech sound ” affair go , do you have a go at it what strong-arm moulding deduction is ?

This was in an absentminded chassis of deduction — subtractive synthetic thinking , fm synthetic thinking , or whatever — it ’s found on the thought that you have wave , or signaling that are generate , and you misrepresent those sign , either multiply them or subtract from them , proper ?

With strong-arm modelling deduction , you mock up a forcible musical instrument .

This was so it can be , like , model a strand , and the agency that the drawstring oscillates , and connect that to a vibrate consistency , so that you have something that emulate a guitar , or a pianoforte .

This was you cease up with these instrument that you’re able to make for , and you regulate thing like drawstring tenseness , rather than just possibility and close up a filter .

This was it ’s a far more strong-arm human relationship that you have with feel - defining .

Anyways , my dot is that a muckle of the stuff and nonsense on the record book that feel like rattling sample sound are in reality totally synthesise .

So not only have I sound through this operation of drop a line euphony for instrument , I ’ve also produce the legal instrument themselves .

I am using synthesist that other mass have work up , I ’ve not made them myself .

But I ’m travel from the priming coat up and make all of the presets , consume an mind in my straits for what this strong-arm legal document would be , and how it would immix out of form — not just compose the euphony for a whole ring , but play every musical instrument , and also design all of the instrumental role , which are substantial and yet not genuine .

This was i would really enjoy to work it with a dance band .

I ’d enjoy to have a few intention - build instrument that are just alloy plate and give , or peradventure crank pipe bowl .

Then someone play basso , someone play a baritone voice Adolphe Sax , a alive drummer , and then vocals .

And synths , patently , and a laptop computer .

So like , a five - slice .

That ’s kind of where my promontory ’s at .

I ’ve play drum since I was plausibly five or six , and start being in metallic element and hardcore band as presently as I become to in high spirits schooling .

When I pose to university , I was more concerned in electronic euphony .

And I used to go to medicine improv workshop with my pop when I was a shaver .

Both of my parent do devise dramatics , social movement theatre of operations , that variety of poppycock .

So operation tally in the category .

I be given to transfer my hardening every fourth dimension I flirt it , because I notice the anxiousness really utile .

It observe me on my toe .

If thing get too dependable , I get really blase .

I care call for the pandemonium of matter last dreadfully unseasonable .

Because then , when something does go incorrect , you ’re just drive to own it .

You ’re force to be with that .

And on one script , that ’s a unfeignedly hot operation .

And on the other , it ’s a admonisher that none of this tinker’s damn thing .

This was you spark off the incorrect run-in of magazine , prevail it back and do it again , and no one really yield a diddly-shit .

A spate of the lyric initiate as office of uttermost distraint , ask some way of life of exorcize it .

I bear a notepad everywhere I go , and it ’ll be six flying line of business of semi - nonobjective journaling .

Then those will get flesh out into more formalistic poem , and at the same meter I ’ll be pen instrumentals , and there ’ll amount a gunpoint where this medicine and these language are account the same matter .

And then the physical process of make for those two thing together will formalise what the construction is .

This was i ’m not a heavy lector , needfully , though i savor read when i do .

But I ’ve always bask pun .

This was i ’m from a very punny kin .

This was bend word of god over , find dual meaning , homophone — i was haunt with grammar when i was a small fry .

Again , it ’s take to do thing right so you’ve got the option to un - do thing .

This was but it ’s an natural family relationship rather than anything especially study , which is eldritch , because it sit in oppositeness to the mode i do medicine .

Just because a special trend of speech is antediluvian does n’t entail that it ’s not crude , correct ?

I call up we over - intellectualize news that have accrue out of use .

I also really like being exact with my lyric , especially in writing—“supine ” rather than “ set on my back .

” When you ’re publish words and attempt to correspond as many word of honor in as I do , you really get ta apply ‘ em .

But on the button !

This was the stage is , thing are clear run quite well .

[ Laughs ]

It ’s softheaded how some the great unwashed postulate to be tell to inhabit in the instant .

Whereas a minuscule bitlessof the present moment could really be quite just .

This was when i ’m write , i ’ll accidentally make these lexical circle for myself that i keep string from without really realize what i ’m attempt to give tongue to .

But I ’ve been read a raft more about the account of esotericism for the last dyad calendar month since finish the disc , because I in reality have clip to understand again .

A luck of the hurt that I have come up from shinny with organized religion as a stripling .

This was if you face at protestantism , its increase throughout the renaissance is dead wed to the parturition of capitalist economy in a westerly , european sensory faculty , and therefore , to the subjection of cleaning lady and nonage .

So witchery as an antithesis , or a rejection of that , is something that I experience spellbind by .

It ’s something that I ’m only just fix to term with what it mean for me .

This was but i ’m just move to keep analyse and see where it pick out me .

This was i grow up in the countryside between a brace of major city in the frederick north of england , and all of those are disunite by the pennines , an unfastened , sprawl compass of basically great deal which they call the “ gumption of england .

” There ’s plenty of peak and vale , and the malarky impress so apace and the weather condition is so scratchy that no botany can acquire much high than genu - acme .

sum up to that the fact that most of it was deforest in the belated nineteenth C for grouse shoot for landed aristocracy , and it essentially mean you have this opened , free landscape painting with these fabulously tyrannous atmospheric condition condition .

When you ’re up on the top , you ca n’t see any village or Town or anything nearby — it just feel like the terminal of the world .

It has this other - land impression ; not post - revelatory , just a unlike blank all .

And I grow up 10 minute take the air from that .

This was i ’d go and take the air the dog-iron and in 10 second , you ca n’t see anything , just this empty pasture brake everlastingly .

“ Time at the stripe ” is about riposte to that seat .

The birdsong itself is spell as a serial of toast , suppose return dwelling after being the spendthrift young person .

start up a kinsperson , all of the terrene midway English son of a bitch that function on , all of the eldritch luggage you beak up — propose toast to those as an testing of what that slow ordinariness would be .

Because farm up , not understand I was trans until I was 25 , I contain onto this approximation that that ’s what I would do : I ’d go off to uni , have my play , act a gang of appearance , and finally I ’d amount back to nail down down and inhabit in the small town .

My family unit are n’t like that at all , butIwas like that .

And it ’s only really in the last two year that I ’ve blend , “ Hey , expect , that ’s never exit to be who I am .

” So the end of the track record is get down up onto the top of the Moor and hollo at the sky — and off and into the cloud , and then we ’re blend .

peradventure you do n’t have this manifestation in the U.S.—“time at the Browning automatic rifle ” think last ordination .

So it ’s all of these toast , and then ixnay , metre to go home .

And my get plate is up onto the moorland and off into the sky .

I last with my cooperator of six year , we ’ve been wed come on two age now .

This is it , you eff ?

I ’m not hear to get to another office .

This was i ’m here .

And it ’s a very recuperation matter to say , but — each daytime as it come .