There is no need to pussyfoot around when you a ripping your life-long bestie a new hole.
With that said, nobody likes a friend who gives a good roast but cannot take one back.
They are not spoken to cause an argument or any long-term offense.
Being a roaster comes with great power.
But with it comes a layer of responsibility.
You cant just bust out a roast on anybody at any time.
you oughta play it cool.
Wait for the right moment, and then strike.
If that wasnt enough, roasting someone isnt an easy task.
Thankfully, weve got you covered.
Its just like Sensei Krease says, strike first, strike hard, and show no mercy.
However, even the best comedians go on stage with a plan.
A backup strat just in case things dont go the way they want.
You wouldnt want your roast to fall flat on its face at the first insult, would you?
I didnt think so.
Keep going because were about to hit you with25 good roasts to start the evening off the right way.
If your brain was made of dynamite, you couldnt even blow your nose!
Im not saying youre boring, but if youre a fucking gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake!
You and I go way back, and youve always been annoying.
I mean, you even used to make your happy meal cry.
Weve been happily married for three months; shame its taken ten years to hit that number.
I know our son got his brains from you because, well, I still have mine.
You love to act stupid.
I know because I live with you, youre naturally way dumber than that.
Youre so ugly your face makes onions cry!
Roasting you isnt easy.
Its hard enough to imagine you with a personality.
Im not saying youre ugly, but youre the reason God created miscarriages!
Youve got so many gaps in your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail.
Maybe you should attempt to eat make-up to improve your ugly personality.
Do you know the best part about being your friend?
Not having to see you all the time.
Youre the reason the gene pool should really have lifeguards.
Some might call you a smart ass, others a dumb ass; I say youre just an ass.
Its a parents job to raise their children right.
So looking at you, its no wonder yourdadquit after just one day.
Your bad personality is the reason I prefer animals to humans.
Theres somebody out there for everybody.
For you, its a psychiatrist.
The barbs you throw need to be laced with a venom that is personal to the person being roasted.
If you’re free to walk that line, then you are going to be a great roastmaster.
It only takes one sentence to throw out good roasts.
Remember, however, that the best insults are not the ones that are intended to offend.
The best roasts teach people about the roastee.
Instead, you should use them as inspiration for your own barbed observations.
There is a reason why good roasts are given by good friends rather than random strangers.
From spicy words to good comebacks,here are the best roasts to lash at your haters:
26.
Youre so annoying; its because of you God gave us all amiddle finger.
Youre like the firstslice of breadin a loaf.
You get touched by everybody but wanted by none.
Im sorry that this roast uses your entire vocabulary.
Youre more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
Im not saying youre a commitment-phobe, but baby, my phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
I dont want to be mean, but babe, my hair straightener is hotter than you are.
Accidents happen; the proof is sitting right there.
Youre so irritating you should come with a warning label.View in gallery
39.
Everyone is entitled to one, but yours is always the incorrect opinion.
Whenever you open your mouth, its like, Woah, somebody took too many drugs this morning.
Youre like the human version of athletes foot annoying and hard to get rid of.
If you ever feel suicidal, at least you’re able to jump off your own ego.
If your mum got given one piece of bad advice, it was not to swallow.
I believe you could achieve anything.
Look around you; there are remarkably dumb people everywhere who you could aspire to be.
Im not saying youre ugly, but my babys diaper rash is nicer to look at.
And the best part of our relationship is the fact that you are no longer in it.
Its not that youre annoying; its just that Id liken you to the human version of period cramps.
Your only chance of getting laid is if you were to crawl inside a chickens butt and wait.
Roasting is very much a give-and-take affair, especially when you are with good and close friends.
Thus allowing your savage roasts to increase in their intensity.
Youre not that ugly, I guess.
I mean, my middle finger gets a boner every time it sees you!
I bet I could remove 90% of your good looks with a moist towelette.
Im so sorry if my brutal honesty inconvenienced your overinflated sense of self.
Its not that I dont listen to you when you talk.
Its just that there is only so much stupid information I can process in one go.
Im not an astronomer, but I am pretty sure the world revolves around the sun and not you.
You might look attractive, but Id have to put a paper bag over that personality.
Everybody brings happiness to a room.
You just do it when you leave!
You remind me of a cloud; when you disappear, my day gets that much brighter.
Your birth certificate should be a letter of apology from Durex.
Light travels faster than sound.
This must be why you appear bright until you open your mouth.
It must be tough to accept that even Donald Trump is more intelligent than you are.
Looking at you reminded me to take my contraception.
I cant risk giving birth to someone that ugly.
We were going to roast you, but apparently, its not good for the environment to burn trash.
You are even more useless than the ueue in queue.
I would call you an idiot, but that would be a horrible insult to stupid people everywhere.
Have you ever tried putting makeup on your toast to try and make your personality prettier?
If laughter is the best medicine, your face might very well be a cure for cancer!
I think I found your purpose in life… to be an organ donor.
I find it hilarious watching you take a stab at understand everything thats being said about you.
Im not saying youre dumb but a glowstick has a brighter future than you do.
I might be fully vaccinated but Im still not going to hang out with you.
This is especially important when its just a group of friends throwing shade at one another.
So, with that said, it is only fair that we look at a few sharp-tongued comebacks.
If only to ensure you dont walk into the fight completely empty-handed.
Id give you a nasty look but youve already got one.
Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?
The real heroes in this world are the ones who live with you.
If I wanted to hear from an asshole, Id fart.
You are so full of shit, the toilets jealous.
Ive been called worse by better.
Do your parents even realize theyre living proof that two wrongs dont make a right?
Most mistakes can be fixed, you are the exception that proves the rule.
Ive heard a smarter statement come out in a fart.
Youre not simply a drama queen.
Youre the whole royal family!
You tried hard there, so Im going to give you a participation award.
Being a dick to me wont make yours bigger.
Large and in charge is not a synonym for being a fat asshole.
The truth will set you free.
Ok, youre free to go.
They need to be relevant to the person you are roasting.
Thats what makes it so funny.
Roasts are, for all intents and purposes, true.
Like a caricature picture drawn down by the beach.
The best roasts involve a dialogue between everybody involved.
Snarky comebacks and quips check that everybody involved has a good laugh.
